hopelessly hopeful

As I’m sitting here drinking my last cup of herbal sleep before going to bed, I decided I’d write down all the thoughts going through my head.

So, as I mentioned on twitter earlier, I decided I need to take better care of myself! And start with loving myself more. Honestly, last five or six weeks were kind of apathetic bordering on exhausting. This needs to stop, I need to find more things to enjoy about every day of my life, about myself, about what I do. Basically, “do more of what makes me happy”.

As a part of it, I need to stop worrying so much about everything. Like our Russian proverb goes, “your nerves can’t be recovered”. Sometimes (more often recently) I’m laying in my bed at night thinking about the stuff which turns out not to be so frightening and intimidating as I picture it. What’s the point of being nervous, right?

Also, my body needs some taking care of, too. I don’t even mean going to specific physicians (endocrinologist, gynecologist, otolaryngologist - the first two ones, done, and I need to make an appointment with otolaryngologist), just. Being more thoughtful about what I do. I noticed how exhausted I usually feel after a night out — do you think it’s because I’m getting old? Or because of the alcohol (not that my friends and I drink too much, we just.. have a drink here and there… I’m started to get worried it adds hugely to my general well-being. Or I’m just paranoid)? Or do I need to take more and eat more fruits? Or sleep more? I’ll try to see what will help. And I can’t wait when it gets warmer outside so I can run again. (I’ve been exercising a little at home and on the treadmill, but it’s not the same. I know it’ll sound like an excuse but running when it’s -20C outside was not possible for me.)

I’m not mentioning the part about reducing the computer/the Internet usage, because it seems impossible, just, dear self, please read a book once in a while, okay? Or go for a walk? Or just spend some quiet time alone, people say it helps!

Lastly, I think I need to work on my attitude problem, because sometimes in person I’m kind of an asshole, really. I snap too often and have wild mood swings. Being gentler and more considerate to the others should help me. As the quote goes, “A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference.” 

So, that’s the plan for know. Now I need to post this before chickening out because I’m really really bad at talking about myself and my life. And I’ll try to write down how it all goes.

I hope you all are having a good time! Stay safe and love yourself more. <333